Nothing is absolute in life - He may or may not be the one… but I couldn’t care less…
Yes… after giving the matter much thought, i’ve come up with a "subconclusion". It;s a sub cos it’s not the final. Haha… Lame… I don think i’ve come to a final answer but at least for now, i’ve found one that is good enough. I will eventually come up with an ultimate answer which is satisfying to everyone, esp to me n him.
Noone knows whether his or her partner is the "one". Nothing is absolute in life. No one can tell how the future is going to be like. No one can for certain say "yes, this is wat will happen". THings are just plainly unpredictable. 10 minutes, 10 hours, 10 days, 10 weeks, moreover 10 years down the road. Too much confusion n uncertainty in life. BUT… one thing that i’m sure for now is that
"We love each other & it’s not the end of the relationship. I definitely, without a doubt, still wanna be with him. I cannot guarantee what will happen in the future, but for now, he means a lot to me & i wanna be with him as long as possible."
I was lost. I didn’t know where I was standing or heading in the relationship. I didn’t know what to expect neither did i know what expectations or anticipations there were. Now, i’ve found my stand. I’ve found my "direction". It’s not leading to somesort of a future but at least, i’m sure of myself, sure of the relaitonship. Sure that he’s the guy I love. Sure that I wan him as a part of my life…
Does this mean that he’s the one? I dunno… May be to some ppl, yes the answer is obvious. But not yet to me. "It’s a matter of choice" someone said. I haven’t gone to that "stage" where i’m all that mature n conscious. Too conscious i would say… Someday, somehow, i’ll find out the answer myself. I’ll find out my own way of understanding this concept of "the one"…
I think i may have sounded a little too serious n heavy in my previous blog. Well, my mind was rily clouded… Haha…
It seems that i’ve lost my naive, optimistic self. Being so much more critical of life than i’ve even been in the past… I want that part of me back. Need more self reflecting to do. I wanna find that "me" again n reinstall but this time, with new n altered philosophies n values. A more balanced one…
Thank u for triggering such thoughts in my mind. Made me realize another point of life that i hadn’t realized before. Without threats, i wouldn’t learn to appreciate my relationship more. What is safe without insecurity. So, i’m thankful in a way… There’s always a positive behind negatives. Look on the bright side (look who’s talking haha…) An opposite pole to everything in life. No absolutes. No rigid boundaries….
April 18th, 2006 at 8:49 am
Answers to your “ponderings”
1) Whats the point of being together when you see no future?
Girl, if you can REALLY see the future, then i suggest you become a psychic instead of a psychologist.
2) Why do you not see a future with him / her?
Please refer back to Question 1.
SINCERELY, i do not understand a single word you typed in your blog. I cannot understand why do you want to make things so hard for yourself and him. Really, i cannot understand.
It’s barely 5 months since you left. What has psychology done to you? Did you psycho yourself? Don’t tell me you fell in love with another hunk over there, because when you come back, i will bite you so hard that you wished you didn’t.
Who knows what the future holds? HOW CAN YOU SAY “if you see no future”??? WHAT KIND of sentence is that?? If anyone or everyone can see the future, EVERYONE would be winning 3D and 4D gambling. Everyone wouldn’t have to undergo breakup, and everyone would definitely get to marry the “one”, without, of course, needing to court and make mistakes with what we now call “exes”. Heck, ex-boyfriends / ex-girlfriends wont even exist IF everyone can see the future.
let me tell you something. you should believe in fate. Why ponder so much when in the end, it is up to fate? If he is yours, he will be yours forever. If he is not meant to be urs, then he will leave, no matter how tight you hold on to him. The bottom line is, you cant decide the future no matter how hard you try. so just let things be, natural.
whats up with you girl? stress till liddat? i see you liddat i also get stressed. I cannot understand how can you actually come up with questions like that. oh, but then again, you THINK TOO MUCH. thats why.
I’m kinky because i’m pissed that my streamyx is down, so i cannot d/l my Friends series. I’m using someone’s wireless.. and it is so freaking slow!
get it together ok? you’ll be home in 7 more months. be patient.
April 21st, 2006 at 1:43 pm
Chin Hun, i am filled with joy for you by the length u hav travelled to reach reality. Loving someone is always a matter of choice. It’s very normal that u can have doubts about ur relationship for we are all beings filled with emotions. We are able to feel happy one day and sad the next, hysterical today and depress tomolo. Hormones, neurons, chemical imbalance.. u name it.. it all influences us everyday of our life. What is really important is not to allow these ups and downs in our body to take control over our consciousness. Tat is why, being aware that loving someone is a choice and not a mere fact of fate is essential in keeping a relationship going. I partially agree that fate might bring you together but fate does not keep you together. 60 years down the road where both of u are wrinkled up and either of u is bedridden… plz tell me that fate still lives and that you are loving him because of fate? It is the conscious choice that one makes to love someone till the end of days that is able to stand firm because with this conscious choice, you can control your feelings and whateva environmental factors that might come your way. When the days are bad and you feel really horrible… let fate decide? Fate will only lead you to a break up.. but let your conscious thoughts decide and you know that you can choose to live pass those days and continue on in the relationship with him. Fate is a mere illusion that the world has led us to believe in. With the ability for us to choose our paths and to decide on the many obstacles that we will face.. how then izzit possible that fate exist? Being able to choose and leaving it to fate is what separates reality from a dream, life from illusion and the living from the dead. Welcome Chin Hun to the world of choices called REALITY!!!
p/s kinky = Showing or appealing to bizarre or deviant tastes, especially of a sexual or erotic nature: “kinky sex” (www.dictionary.com, 2006).